Gags For The Office Drone

ONE-POINT GAGS

  • Run one lap around the office at top speed

  • Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other 'no-player'must be in the bathroom at the time)

  • Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you

  • Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye"

  • To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

  • When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily,"Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"

  • Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way"

  • Walk sideways to the photocopier.

  • While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
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    THREE-POINT GAGS

  • Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers

  • Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it"

  • Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice)

  • Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).

  • Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
  • FIVE POINT GAGS

  • At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

  • Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

  • For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'.
  • Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number two".

  • After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamacian accent.
    As in, "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.

  • While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.

  • In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damm it, all of you just shut up!"

  • At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again".

  • In a colleagues diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".

  • Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"

  • Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now"

  • Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it"

  • Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local resturant. Let him go.

  • Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.

  • Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

  • Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

  • Rollerblade around the floor throwing sweets
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