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| Upgrade the
Herd |
To hire better people and/or weed
out the bad ones. "Smart companies are using the down economy as
a chance to upgrade the herd." |
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| Uplevel |
Corporate-speak for raising or taking
to a new level. "We'll need to uplevel our thinking for this client." |
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| Upskilling |
To develop new skills, generally
technical ones often by reskilling (retraining). |
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| Up-Titling |
The practice of giving impressive-sounding
titles instead of raises. Examples: The Head of Verbal Telecommunications
is really a receptionist. An Optical Illuminator Enhancer cleans
windows. And Stock Replenishment Executives stock shelves. |
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| Vacationers |
People who take frequent business
trips just to get a vacation from their jobs. See also 'Tourists.' |
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| Vapor Trail |
The tell-tale sign of a co-worker
who uses too much (and likely cheap) cologne or perfume. The lingering
odor can be detected long after they’ve passed by. |
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| Vendorware |
Freebies, such T-shirts, hats, bags,
etc., imprinted with a company logo. Usually given away at trade
shows and worn by slobs who have no intention of actually ever buying
anything from the vendor. Sometimes spelled vendorwear. |
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| Verbicidal |
Condition that exists when a person
believes he or she is skilled in the use of words (a verbalist),
but in reality is grammatically challenged. |
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| Voted Off the
Island |
To get booted from a team, task force
or committee. Also, to get fired or laid off. "Jack no longer works
here. He got voted off the island." |
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| VSP |
Currently in vogue, it's corporate-speak
for buyout. The Voluntary Separation Program offers Voluntary Separation
Packages (financial incentives) to encourage employees (hopefully
older and higher paid) to leave so a company can reduce the workforce
and l |
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| Vuja Day |
The distinct feeling you've NEVER
been here (or heard this) before. Psssst! It's the opposite of deja
vu. |
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| Warm-Chair Attrition |
The drop in productivity that begins
when an unhappy worker checks out mentally and ends when he or she
finally finds a new job and quits. |
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| Watercooler
Effect |
Buzz created by news or an event
(generally non-work related) that sweeps through an office, distracting
the employees and bringing all work to a crawl. |
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| Wet Signature |
An original signature. The old-fashioned
kind, written in ink on a real paper document -- not one that's
been faxed, photocopied or scribbled electronically with a stylus. |
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| Wetware |
There's hardware, software, vaporware,
etc., but behind it all is wetware. It's literally the brains behind
it all the human brain. Can also be used to refer to the human beings
(programmers, operators, managers, etc) who actually run computers.
"Our main |
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| White Collar
Spam |
Unsolicited e-mail sent by legitimate
companies that think they have a relationship with you even if you’re
sure they don’t. |
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| Whiteboard |
The act of brainstorming by listing
ideas on a large write-on/wipe-off board. "Let's whiteboard the
new product launch in the conference room at 10 a.m." |
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| Wigglespace |
The 21st century update of "wiggle
room." "We built in some wigglespace to make sure we wouldn't miss
the deadline." |
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| Win/Win |
A fascinating business concept that
somehow eliminates the "loser" in any deal or project. Loose translation:
"This really works for us and we all pray it works for you, too." |
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| Wire Frame |
A rough draft or idea. "Once we get
the wire frame, we'll develop the rest of the plan." |
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| Wombat |
Someone or something that's a "Waste
of Money, Bandwidth and Time." |
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| Work Spasm |
The initial spurt of energy you pour
into work after returning from vacation or a relaxing weekend. It
generally wears off by lunch on Monday. |
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| Workflower |
Someone who blends into the background
at work. Example: After two years you suddenly notice that the mousey
blonde you keep passing in the hall works with you. |
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| Xerox subsidy |
Swiping free photocopies from one's
workplace. Also applies to faxing personal stuff and stealing office
supplies. |
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| Zerotasking |
To do nothing or have nothing to
do. Taken from the caption of a New Yorker cartoon, which pictures
a serene-looking man plopped in a comfy chair. |
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| Zero-Zero Split |
When you're supposed to be splitting
your time 50-50 between two groups or projects, and you tell each
boss that your other tasking is taking all your time. An effective
way to goof off, as long as your bosses don't compare notes. |
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| Zombience |
The atmosphere of a fine establishment
that has all the trappings of elegance and the promise of great
service, yet employs a staff that resembles the living dead. |
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